If you know someone who has been assaulted, you are likely to be feeling a whole myriad of emotions. Perhaps you are angry or hurt. You may feel a level of guilt or even some discomfort. It can be hard to know what to do or say to help your friend in this situation, but it’s important to help them. Here is how.
Practicalities
If your friend wants to report what has happened and take further action, they may want you to help them to find a lawyer for sexual assault. If they were physically hurt in any way, you might need to administer some first aid or take them to be checked out at the emergency room. Take pictures and document any physical injuries as this will be important further down the line. Try to take the pressure off your friend by doing your own research, but at the same time, try not to be too pushy – this is a sensitive time, and it needs to be handled as such.
Listen
If your friend is able to open up to you, that’s a pretty big deal, and you’re going to want to make sure you’re really listening. There are some phrases you might want to use, such as “It’s not your fault,” “I believe you,” and “You’re not alone.” Don’t try to justify the assault, or say anything that may insinuate that you think your friend did anything to cause this to happen. It’s important to listen more than you speak, and as hard as it is, don’t feel like you have to say something to fix it. Just be there and give them space.
Ask how you can help
One of the worst things about an assault is that the victim has had a lot of control taken away. Rather than carrying on this pattern, make an effort to empower your friend, and be there to support, not to take over. It’s okay to ask what they need. In fact, by asking what help your friend wants, you are avoiding the awkwardness of second-guessing and getting it wrong, or not being able to support them in the way they need. Try not to decide what is best for them, let them make that decision, and support them in whatever they decide.
Look after yourself too
It can be very emotionally draining to be there for a friend after something traumatic, and so it’s important to check in with yourself and your own self-care too. It’s not about making the event about you; it’s about knowing your own limits and having a safe space of your own to offload and feel supported too, by someone who isn’t connected to what is happening. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so it benefits everyone if you are feeling strong.
An assault is a horrific thing to happen, but with the right support, your friend can get through this.
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