Filling In The Blanks

I have been debating awhile now whether to share my experience and my thoughts about a very sensitive matter. A matter that is my everyday life, a matter that I have been living for years. I thought about starting a new site just to speak of this issue. I am not blogging my life experiences for others to feel sorry or pity my family. I am sharing in hopes that it helps others.

First post won’t be short and sweet, the first post will be very real. While it may not be real to you, it is very much real to me, because it is my life. I have only opened up to a few close friends about the issues that are my life, and now I feel it’s time to share with others. I will not get to personal, and I will not share EVERYTHING, but I will share enough to hopefully help someone else in my situation.

In October of 1999 I met my now husband online in a chat room. I was only 20 at the time and he was 18. We started off just as friends, I found myself rushing home from work to chat with the man I would one day call my husband. We would talk for hours, online and on the phone. We met in person in 2000 and he later moved to Michigan from Tennessee and we started a real relationship.

In 1999, I never would have imagined being so deeply in love with this man, nor did I imagine what our lives would become. My husband is a very caring man, he is a man that would do just about anything for anyone and not expect nothing in return.

I like to also see myself as that kind of person, however, deep down I know my husband is a better person, because there are just some people that I cringe at helping. Not because I am not a helping person, but because I tend to see more bad in these people than good and oftentimes I will bitch about my husband for wanting to help these people.

My husband has a BIG heart, and he loves very deeply. At one time he had so much passion about certain things and topics. He would do anything for his child and I to see us happy, he would do anything to protect his daughter and I, even if he is protecting us from ugly words and people that are just plain negative.

If anyone was to speak negatively about my appearance or about me as a person, it would eat my husband up and he would call these people out. He hates to see me hurt and often worries about my health.

Up until about 4 years ago, we had what I would call a strong marriage and relationship. This man is my soul mate, my best friend and my lover. I could tell him anything and he would listen and not judge. I knew that all my secrets were safe with him, if I were to do something stupid, he would let me know it was okay and it wasn’t that bad.

Well 4 years ago, my husband was diagnosed with bi-polar 1. While we thought he had bi-polar, we would have never imagined it would get as bad as it has over the last 4 years. So today, I write the first of many about these illness that can be a blessing and a curse, not just for him, but for all those people that love this man deeply.