I have been dealing with anxiety for a long time now. Anxiety is one of those disorders that’s no fun to have. You are always wondering and worrying, and it is like there is no escape. No matter what you do, those thoughts are still there. The first anxiety attack I remember was when I was 8 years old. My parents divorced when I was real young, and we were bounced back and forth from one parent to the other. We hated going with our dad and when the time came, I would get sick to my stomach. We are talking about throwing up sick, in the bathroom with the runs sick…
I learned to deal with my anxiety as I got older, I would try to block out things that put me into my attacks. My attacks started getting really bad after I became a stay at home mom.
I then decided to rejoin the work force, and this is when my anxiety took a turn for the worse. I would go to work, and I would get physically sick. I would feel as though I was about to pass out, one time I almost did. I would have those hot and cold flashes, and I would become extremely dizzy. These attacks lasted about 10 minutes, and I could proceed with what I was doing.
When I would go to the doctor I was told it was all in my head and I had to learn to deal with it… How do you actually learn to deal with it? I was grateful after we came back to Michigan. I found a real good doctor, which I will miss a ton once we leave. She knew right away on my first visit something was not right with me. She kepts me coming back every other week, until I finally broke.
I was labeled with a social phobia, if you look it up online, it is everything that happens to me when I am out in public. It in pretty mild when I have others with me, but it is still there. She also noticed how depressed I was. I will go through these depressant stages where I don’t want to even get out of bed. I have to force myself.
Since I have been taking my meds, my attacks do not happen as much. I still have several a day, and when it comes bedtime I cannot sleep. It is now after midnight and here I am, blogging about anxiety.
I would love to be normal for just one day, a day where I was happy and not depressed, a day where my heart didn’t race, and I didn’t feel sick to my stomach. As I sit here, my heart is pounding and I feel as if I was punched in the stomach. Anxiety sucks!!!
About Jammie Morey
I hate you have to deal with this. I know what it’s like. I have had depression and anxiety for years too. And now Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It does suck. There isn’t much I can do other than take my meds which work for the most part. I didn’t leave my home for 6 months at all but now we moved and I can move around on the farm a bit and work with our cows. I think the move and the country has helped me a lot. I hope that yours will subside so you can be happy and healthy.
Thank you Paige! Those that have normal anxiety have no idea what it is like to have severe anxiety. I wish I could do what that first quack er I mean DR said and learn to deal with it, but if your anxiety and depression steam from a long way back into your childhood it is difficult. In time I hope it will become more manageable, most days I sit here with a racing heart! No fun. I wish you the best with your anxiety as well, I am glad moving out into the country more has helped with yours. I am in the country some what too, but my husband’s family lives next door… which doesn’t help.
Well, I am not far away if you just need to vent or someone to listen. I’m usually near the computer because there isn’t a whole lot that I will go and do other than around the farm :) You’re in my thoughts. And I understand the family next door thing.. can’t make it easy.. especially if they don’t understand. But don’t sit there with a racing heart.. talk, post, share… anything to help :)
I think that is why I am on the computer so much. I blog and enter giveaways to keep my mind off of everything else. I might take you up on that venting sometime :)
I remember my first anxiety attack at the age of 11 at that time I didn’t know what it was and my father thought I was just acting weird. Little did he know that would become the beginning of my long battle with anxiety. When i was pregnant with my first child i would not leave the house because i had a previous miscarriage and thought if I moved I would lose him. I got into a car accident with some friends when I was 19 years old, my friend was driving, from that point i was not interested in driving, I didn’t get my first drivers license until I was 27 years old and I only did so because my husband “pushed” me to. I still to this day do not drive with anyone else. Al ot of people thought I was weird including my husband, I have learned to deal with it and have been medicated to help control the anxiety and panic attacks. Now my husband suffers severe anxiety and he understands I am not weird, It is a condition. Thank you for sharing your story it was quite similar to mine and I too just wish for one day to “feel” normal.
Tanya, I know exactly what you’re talking about. If we go into the city I will not let my husband drive, and if he insists on driving I will not go. When I was pregnant with my daughter, we had a punk break into our home. I was almost ready to walk in when we heard the coffee table smash against the door. I never stayed at that place again, and I refuse to get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom by myself. I made my husband get up with me. My anxiety stems from a broken home and an abusive father. A large part of America suffers anxiety, I wish there was more to controlling it.